Wednesday, February 15, 2012

嚮往簡單,卻不簡單

這裡,被我凋空了八個月。
其實這段時間,情緒是多的
只是我都不願意把它化作文字
很多東西都太過艱難了

混進城市生活的這段時間
我越是覺得不了解我自己
我不停的摸索
卻也發現我從來都沒有跨出那道防線

一直思考,不停的思考
或許我明白自己不喜歡怎樣的生活
可是我偏偏的往這種生活圈子裡跳
長大以後,夢想總是離我越來越遠
現實的逼迫,讓我覺得夢想真的太遙不可及了

我放棄了我相信我會喜歡的工作
因為我明白單憑喜歡是不足以提高生活素質
老實說我不想長期處在沒有錢,要向家人要錢的狀況
所以我推掉低薪的就業機會
選擇了一份穩定和過得去的工作
每天朝九晚五的日常作息

這份工作和我想做的截然不同
但是我選擇給自己一次機會
去找到自己到底適合怎樣的工作性質
因為我發現我越來越不懂我
所以才要借由不同的事物去發掘自己的興趣

將近三個月了
不是不喜歡也不是討厭
至少讓我認清的是
只要這是我的責任和工作
就算是不怎麼喜歡
我還是會盡力的去完成它接受它
首要條件是我付出的和我的薪水要成正比
那就萬事ok!
看得出我非常現實和愛錢

以上的代價就是我越來越宅
越來越封閉我自己
每天就只剩下工作吃電腦睡覺
這四個名詞與動詞佔據了生活的百分之九十五
剩下的百分之五就偶爾約朋友
生活就以三行字精簡的解說
悶到爆燈!

這樣的生活讓我多了時間想
日日夜夜得空就想
想多了就覺得越來越寂寞
外表正常得沒話說
內在就越來越像個瘋子
很多事已經沒辦法可以拿來暢談了
我受不了人家的不耐煩
因為連我都受不了我自己

那一個晚上
以另一個人的角度看回自己寫的文字
才赫然發現其實我一直處在黑暗裡
寂寞得自己都不願意承認
連自己都覺得自己可憐
這種重疊的痛
逼得我眼淚不停的掉

我的自信,我的自我
全部都在那天一併埋葬
我似乎沒有信心能夠勝任生活裡的每件事
越來越渺小 越來越渺小
小得像只螞蟻
輕輕一壓就窒息了

Monday, June 20, 2011

怪咖

夜越深
心情越复杂
这里开始变得只有寂寞时
才会回来的地方。
可悲~

心情 真的太飘浮不定了。
为什么会有那么大的落差?
肯定又是寂寞在作祟

为什么总觉得人生乱糟糟的?
上帝给的只能盲目的跟随?
我别无选择
只能默默地接受
接受一个一个所谓的安排

为什么我有那么奇怪的想法?
单纯一点行吗?

可怕的寂寞,
迟早你会让我犯错!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Everything in "Pre" level

i'm trying to adapt
the dusty, the noise, the jam, the everything
but can you give me a better sleep?

Confusing, worrying, nervous-ing now?
who knows...just let the time overcome these!

You know you always the strong one in this!

Recently, checked in to Kuchai Avenue.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

还好清醒,不然会很笨拙。

庆幸的是,我很理智。
没让自己陷入困境。

诱惑真多啊!
在天堂的,可不可以给支强心针?


For C members and me

Had been busying for three weeks continuously until i have no time to update here!
A lot of things happened between these three weeks, these make me feel warmth, frustrated and even stress! What complicated feeling on April...Time flies until i have no time to count down the end of my study life. Just left 1 day class for tomorrow! After that coming with study weeks and exam weeks. At the end of May, my degree life officially end!

i think i have to update one by one. But i m really no mood since those were passed for a long time. What a good excuse for me! Haha...trying my best to get the photos only update la...with precondition that i hv mood to do so..=)

12th April 2011
that day should be the last chance for me to have photo shooting with my course mates~~
if you watched a local Chinese movie, then you should know where we went for photo shooting. For me, i have not much feeling because i dint watch at all. but my course mates seem excited with it! besides, my home town has banyak paddy field and i never go to have any photo shooting on the centre on paddy field. What a ridiculous action to went so far for shooting? Well, the reason is simple! Because of them!!!!

Wish you all really have a great future! Muz live happily ya~~

waiting for graduate!!!

The sky of the day~~shiny

i like this view so much~~

Please keep your smile like this..it's mean to me.

guess who is she? i really dunno who is she if i dint notice the heel...

y not look like me 1?

This is real me! Don't get shock...=p

Acting emo~~

Here are some group photos, just pick fews of them...too much we took on that day!
The only guy, Cplus

Me with alice, pei chin. seldom took photo with her!

Walau...i look so slim in this photo...=p

Sometime not ready also can be good 1!



three of us, again~~

Technology Communication's Group.

C stand for Communication!

We are lovely~

not yet well prepare...>.<



what's wrong with me?

Marilyn MonroeSSS?

Kuso...XD

i always laugh nonstop when see this picture!! Really Bravo~~Cheow Hua!

Evening view

After that, we went to "Sea Sky" restaurant to settle our dinner. And, my lovely course mates gave a big suprise to me and kat..actually not suprise at all. Haha~~ A birthday celebration for kat and very early pre-celebration for me.

Chocolate Indulgent with candles!
The candles keep increasing every year..but dun care la...not important at all!

Busying to keep the candles shine...but i din't really make a proper wish for myself.

Here we are, a complete group photo of the day.
thank you for everything.

Now everything come to the end, i really wish that we can left those conflicts behind. Create more good memories among us but not complicated problem. We are going to step into the working world, we will meet more and more complicated human inside that world. So must stay strong to handle them! Don't let them make you down!!

End the post with this! Let's smile like me...hahaha
Cheer up frens~~~

Thursday, April 07, 2011

谢谢你那么混帐!

有一种人
真的很让人厌恶
自以为了不起 嚣张
斤斤计较
凡是有关系到自己的利益
就算到一清二楚
深怕自己吃到半点亏

那些一举一动
反映了人性丑陋的那一面
自以为的清高
在别人眼里
那只不过是个发臭的垃圾

我很庆幸
认清了事实
有些人 不是时间久了
就可以当着没那回事
时间久了 只不过是让发生的成为过去
那并不会改变什么

人,还是可以那么自以为了不起
我已经忘了是什么事
但是我就是记得讨厌!
很久都没有人被我这样讨厌
算你倒霉

我不觉得我没错
但我更不认同你的待人处事
就算你做得再出色
对我来说 你什么都不是
反正这些都不重要

更重要的是
你他妈的什么事我都不想知道

真不幸的是
还要对着你一个月多
真的让我无福消受

BASTARD!!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

我是一只刺猬

我不懂
总是搞不懂
连自己的心情都不懂的人
要怎样才会让自己好过一点?

今夜
莫名的寂寞来袭
让我有点措手不及
加上半边身子满处是伤
一不小心就痛痛痛
生理心理都让我觉得悲哀

刺猬 都是寂寞的吧?
身上的刺是为了刺伤敌人存在,
还是为了保护自己受伤的心而存在?
不管是什么
身上的刺总是让人避而远之
是它选择寂寞 还是寂寞选择了它?


大概是最近的日子曾经发生过些什么吧
告诉自己
别去探索究竟
不然我会再次陷进去

有些事,真的只需要记在心就好
如果一而再, 再而三的翻出来
痛的只会是自己
所以记得就好

很多事时间久了
真的就越来越模糊了
这种感觉真的很可怕
要怎样才能抓住想留恋的?

你啊~你
别再从隙缝间溜走
我抓不牢了
请留下仅存的
让我慢慢的回味就好

就这样吧!
继续当只刺猬

Thursday, March 17, 2011

When come to the junction

How to decide?
Sometime is really hard to measure!?!
I wish i can be more straightforward!
don't want think too much..
don't want care so much..
but when it come to a serious decision and face the reality
i lost my way..

since when i started feel not confidence to myself?
quite a long time i guess...
but what to do?
i asked and asked...no one can give me a real answer
is all depend on myself to figure out the answer!
Of course, i have to bear every consequences of that particular decision..

pros and cons
think over again and again..
i don't want face to REGRET again!
once decision make, i have to take all responsibility to my own decision!
this is me, thats why sometime quite suffering
and i really hate to make such decision!

many peoples told me,
"it's just an internship,
why you want think this much?
so go ahead!"
but, it related to my future..my career..
how can i just simply make a 'cincai' decision without measure and compare?
or am i just think too much?

this is the initial period i step out to the working society
and a period that i can really figure it out what i want what i need!
i don't wish i make a wrong decision,
waste my time and mess up everything at the end!
it's really mean to me...


Dear god, please direct me step into the right way!
take me out from this annoyance...

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

想念就是那么一回事

我被难倒了
才发现那种痛
不管过了多久
回想起来的那一刻
心还是会莫名其妙的悲伤起来
呼吸还是会变得很困难

我已经很努力了
很努力很努力很努力了
是不是我做得不够好?


为什么记忆总是那么的残忍?
那些画面清晰可见
一直在脑海盘旋

为什么
想念还是那么痛?

Sunday, February 27, 2011


如果,我从人海中消失
这时候的你会着急吗?

当我远离你的时候
我是狼狈的
无助 却步 惊慌 伪装
占据了我的生活

若你是会的,请紧握我的手
别再让我走散了

当你远离我的时候
你呢?

再让我看多你一眼吧!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Sharing is caring

Just read a meaningful post from one of the blog, so decide to share it here. Although it has many words, please be patient on reading it. It's worth and useful when u feel stress or upset, even though bored. Sometime happy can be very easy, it all depend on how u live. Happy is come from your side~~
45 Ways to feel happier~~
1. Go for a walk every day and spend no less than 20-30 minutes in the open air. When I say ‘go for a walk’ it means you should just walk, with no purpose, and enjoy the process. Hurrying to the office or the supermarket doesn’t count.
2. Spend at least 8 hours for sleep that is essential for the organism to function well. You’ll feel more optimistic when you wake up.

3. Find time for listening to soft music, meditating, dreaming. While doing that forget about your problems and just think positively.
4. Don’t restrict yourself with socializing with people of your age only. Talk to children and old people and you will see how different visions of life can be. Life will seem brighter and more interesting to you!

5. Spend some time alone. Sit in a quiet place and concentrate on your feelings and sensations. Do it daily.
6. Participate in games, both mind and active ones. Play ball with your child, do crosswords, find something that’s different from what you do on the regular basis.
7. Learn a foreign language. Listen to songs in it, watch films. If you feel it necessary start teaching a language you already know. You’ll have a chance to talk to people that do not belong to your usual social
sphere.
8. Forgive everybody for everything. The main thing here is to forgive people in your soul. You don’t have to tell everyone that you’ve forgiven them, do it for yourself. (quite hard for me to do so!)
9. Don’t try to forget your sadness by working hard. This won’t help. According to Freud it will just sublimate but in the end you’ll start to hate your job.
10. Go to a club, dance, make new friends. (wow~~ i have excuse to go clubbing!! muahahhaha)
11. When you wake in the morning don’t jump up from the bed. Lie for a while, luxuriate and dream about your good future. (This lie will make me overslept ler!)
12. Introduce three ‘E’s into your life: Enthusiasm, Energy and Empathy.
13. Become the soul of your company, try to entertain your close people, familiars and even strangers. You’ll have some great fun!
14. Read more books. Don’t think that only losers read books. Education and erudition are valuable now. Besides, you’ll enjoy opening new worlds. (i wish i can do it more!)
15. Experts say you must have good breakfast and lunch while dinner isn’t that important. This is right, of course, but each organism is different. So, it’s you who knows best when to eat and what to eat. Indulge yourself with
delicacies from time to time. (Mostly my dinner is great than my breakfast, >.<''' This encourage me to diet!)
16. Don’t focus on things you already own for a long time. Try something new: makeup, perfume, clothing, lingerie etc. It will make you happy, believe me! (Wow~~lingerie, i am totally agree with it! i need more XIXILI~~ )
17. Don’t remember about bad incidents in your past and don’t remind people around you about those. Live here and now. (This is what i want, but hard! So sorry to myself)

18. Want to talk? Call your friends (even if you haven’t talked to them for ages). Ask how they are doing, what the news is. It will help you feel involved, and get along with others.
19. Smile if you feel sad. Do it even if it requires lots of effort. It will improve your mood.
20. If you have a chance, eat fruit right from trees, vegetables – from patches, and milk from cows. Experts say that it’s isolation from nature that is the source of our problems and dissatisfaction with life. (FRESH!!!)
21. Drink more water. (Are you hear that? Drink more will make me happier!)
22. If you can’t change the situation leave it as it is and don’t worry. Once I’ve read one man’s statement that made me think about worrying differently. He said: “If I’m being operated it’s surgeon who has to worry, not me. I can’t do anything.”
23. Take aroma baths, indulge yourself with aroma candles and spa precedures.
24. Draw! Don’t say you can’t. Now any pictures are considered creative. (Have a long long time din't draw!)
25. Start watching an interesting serial and you’ll have a few happy nights. (I always do that, and make me addicted...)
26. Change the environment. Walk in places you have never walked, visit another city. If you can afford traveling find time for that. (Craving for travel but meet financial problem..T.T)
27. Be closer to nature – lie on the grass, in the snow, sand; bathe in the sea or river; pick berries and mushrooms.
28. Visit concerts, exhibitions, cinemas – in brief, be a part of society.
29. No one will make you happy except you. (So love yourself more!)
30. Get rid of hatred. What’s the sense in spending your life for hating someone?
31. Don’t be too exacting to yourself. If you can’t do something today, you’ll do it tomorrow.
32. Find strength to laugh at your own mistakes the way you’ll laugh at others’.
33. Learn to wait patiently until the problem is solved and think positively.
34. Sometimes to win you have to lose. Think about it.
35. You are not ‘other people’ and you shouldn’t always compare yourself to others.
36. Don’t overdo. Define feasible tasks, achieve them and feel happy about it.
37. Spending money on yourself is both pleasant and useful! (This is exactly what i did! Shopping is awesome~~)
38. Only worthless people have no enemies. The more you’ve achieved the more secret and obvious enemies you have.
39. You have to be able to quit a bad job, leave off a boring book, stop chatting to people that irritate you. You have just one life and one shouldn’t spend it for minor things. (JAYJUN, this is especially dedicate to you!)
40. Envy is useless. You already have everything or will have everything you need in life.
41. Call your parents, family and relatives more often.
42. Give people presents, give them a part of yourself and they will reply you with the same.
43. Find a new hobby for yourself: dancing, embroidery, making plastic jewelry, etc.
44. Get yourself a pet that will make you happy each time you come home. (Schnauzer, i wish!)
45. Remember you have all the best ahead of you!!!
Don't Worry, be Happy! ^^

Monday, February 14, 2011

is you

i could not remember what i did for last 5 years in this date!
i have not dare to figure it out..
seem like no point for me to figure it out and sad alone here...
as i remember, i not used to celebrate this kind of date!
maybe just a simply wish is enough for us at previous?
but now, how can it be?
i am wondering..seriously curious about it.

This is no longer important,
what i know is i am missing you now, from bottom of my heart!


i miss you~ =)

Are u hear that?

Thursday, January 13, 2011

告诉我

1月9号 午夜一点多
在谈话中 突如其来的一句话
把你守着多年的谎言赤裸裸的揭露了
像一把锋利的匕首狠狠的刺进了心
我呆着了 没有办法思考

“你骗我 你骗我 你骗我”
这三个字一直不停在脑袋里转
一整夜 心好像被撕裂了
加上酒精在血液里作祟
我整个人不舒服到极点

为什么
是过后清醒了一直自问的问题

我生气吗?我难过吗?我心碎吗?
我的心情都夹杂了这些情绪
一时之间我不晓得该怎样去处理
我只知道我不明白
而且也永远不会明白

我给与你的信任
是我的全部
相反的你一点都不信任我
所以你选择说谎

为什么要对我说谎?
难道你觉得我是无理取闹,介意你的过去的人?
因为尊重,所以我选择不去过问。
可是换来的却是谎言而不是你的坦白。

我在意的不是过去,而是你的坦白
难道坦白真的有那么难吗?

现在的我觉得自己很愚蠢
从来都不曾怀疑
总是相信你
因为我深信着
信任,必须建立在两人之间才能维护属于我们的感情。

但是我都错了
彻底的错了
这只是我单方面认为而已

这几年我拼命的维护又是为了什么?
我只是像个白痴一样守着一个空壳吗?

你的谎言 加重了原本已有的那条刺
彻底的让我心碎了
你要我怎样收拾你离开以后的心碎?

我知道再也没有答案
你永远都不会给我任何答案

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Our Day

This festival and anniversary should have you to celebrate with,
but why you are not around?
i was not excited as what i think, not really enjoy the celebration of new year.
maybe is because...em...feel wordless to describe it!

i din't spend the day nicely!
everything seem can't run smoothly and a lot of birdy things are torturing me whole day!
what a bad beginning for me, feel terrible of it.

I miss you and still miss you~~

please let's me feel you tonight!

Friday, December 31, 2010

The Last and The Only

Last day of year 2010
but i still have no mood to welcome 2011
i feel that time flies after Christmas
i do have time, but i waste all of it!
someone reminded me on yesterday and only i found that it is going to end soon...very very soon!

what i did for this year? Seriously, i am lazy to recall back!
it is useless to blog if i recall back now, am i right?
everything happened during my past always store in my memory
i will recall it back if one day the mood is on!
what i did is no longer important for me now,
moving forward with whole-heart is something that i keep learning right now!

i am not going to write down any resolution for year 2011
feel that useless for me to list down due to plan always cannot catch up with changes!
but i can tell the aim in my life which is retaining the faith to live in the moment!


i started missing 2010
Life is short, i still have how many days to spend like this?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

幻影


如果有一个管道
不管是什么
只要能连接你的世界
一切就变得不一样了


这是奢侈的
我都知道


我找不到落脚的地方
所以我的世界
依旧空白

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

To Her

Today is Her day, my lovely senior
She is working at Beijing now
Feel like want dedicate something to her
So i decide to write a post about her!

I knew her since i joined the project Spring Festival 2009
She is passion and treat everyone very well
Due to this reason,
she has hundred of friends in university
Uncountable~~seriously~~
everyone know her!
I really wonder how she did it?

Since when we getting closer and closer?
I have no idea!
I still remember that,
We shared a lot secret during semester 2 and 3.
and did a lot of crazy things in university!
Not much details i can share here because of some private reasons
What i can mention is,
she bring an unforgettable memory to my university life for sure.
=)

She was semester 4 and I was semester 2 on the exhibition day.
I guess this is our first duo-photo!
Still this noob look...wakaka...
but i miss that time~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Ca Ryn!
Take good care ya~~

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Piss me off!!!

Argh...my mind is too itchy!
Make a decision to cut my fringe short
It is so hard to manage la...
Start missing my previous hair...T-T
Took at KFC last 2 days...
I want it back, please grow faster!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Daze!!!


In this moment
i should study for my paper
but what in my mind
is out of these words

trance for a long
'what i chase for the rest of life?'
it is not a good time to think about it now
however, it's spinning in my mind for couple days

raining outside
chilly inside
tonight will be another tough night

困在

一个有始无终的爱情
是会让人困在自己营造的世界里
明知道那是一个到不了的世界
却不切实际的把自己捆绑在里头
连接着一个没有尽头的绳索
一步一步的探索

似乎有了一点点的寄托
却在更深入的摸索以后
却发现越来越陌生
视线变得不再清晰
感觉也变被吞噬了

明明你就在眼前
为什么 心 却此的遥远
我清楚地知道
全都是因为 那是我的世界
不是你的那一个

这是一种束缚
让人窒息的
就算再怎么努力挣扎
似乎也逃脱不了



詞:吳青峰 曲:Maximilian Hecker

無聲的嘆息 像雷躲進光裡
最深的恨 侵蝕愛
倒流的淚滴 像雨滲入海底
最深的愛 諷刺恨
誰比誰容易
你困在自己的世界裡 我困在我的心裡
全都無法交集
你困在有我的回憶裡 我困在你的懷疑
誰也不能 呼吸

片段的足跡 謀殺整片森林
最淺的死 衡量愛
殘喘的縫隙 綻放邪惡秘密
最淺的生 釋放恨
誰比誰壓抑
你困在自己的世界裡 我困在我的心裡
全都無法交集
你困在有我的回憶裡 我困在你的懷疑
誰也不能呼吸

生要比死更需要勇氣
看似 恨總比愛輕易
是這樣嗎
我困在自己的世界裡 你困在你的心裡
全都沒有交集
我困在有你的回憶裡 你困在我的愛裡
誰也無處可去